Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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