Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
