my sisters under your porch take her home
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
