Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize