vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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