This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
