my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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