I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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