Do you still have your period?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
