I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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