woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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