I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
3 2 1 whiskey
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
