My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
