dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
