Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
