4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
