I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
