I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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