i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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