According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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