Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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