I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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