I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
