don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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