Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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