): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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