yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
