I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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