im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
