somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
