So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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