omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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