I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just forgot I was standing up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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