K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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