I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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