maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
