absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
