I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
