I puked a lego.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
