it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
