I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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