just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize