Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Jerry, you need to find god
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
