just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
