The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
MIDGETS
????
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
