Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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