Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
