Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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