Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
