He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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