Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
