He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
