You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
