we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
