Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my sisters under your porch take her home
it's like iHOP with fire
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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