that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
