She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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