when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
