i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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