She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
