Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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