Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
