omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
