Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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