Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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