At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
