I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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