Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
