brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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