Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i will never coherently bang her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize