is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
