Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
