I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
